Look clean and smell clean. This includes several sub-items:
Be crust-free.
Have well-groomed hands and feet--no jagged nails!
Wear deodorant. Bonus points for cologne.
Not having scraggly facial hair that hurts me and gives me a rash from kissing. (This has happened more than once in my life.)
Lean forward on a railing.
Lean back against a wall.
Wear high-waisted pants.
Wear glasses.
Listen and then recall the information at a later date
Laugh at my jokes to the point where they’re crying and doubling over
Read a book written by a woman and enjoy it. Unless they start to idolize a toxic male character from that book. Then they should be banned from all reading going forward.
Wear short shorts in a retro movie star way.
Wear jewelry, especially earrings and rings. No leather cord bracelets or black metal rings, PLEASE. I’m trying to keep it positive over here!
Dance and not look embarrassed
Act silly. I love a class clown type tbh.
Get wet in the rain and look really good. Spontaneous rain has a way of making a 7 look like a 9; it’s just science.
Dive into a body of water. See the benefits of item 13. There’s also something about the way shoulders contract when someone dives into water. See also: Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy in the BBC’s Pride & Prejudice and all the hot guys on the swim team when you were in high school.
Buy me gifts I actually will like. Or buy me a gift at all.
Have a bed frame.
Have friends that aren’t straight white cisgender men without (and this is essential!) making it a talking point
Eat neatly, especially on the first couple of dates.
Accept that women fart and poop and (many) bleed once a month.
Buy tampons confidently for a period-having person in their life.
Know about the pink tax.
Not scream when their team loses or when they lose a video game. I have done the latter once or twice but then realized who I was becoming and simply put the game controller down and took a breath. It’s not that hard. One shout is okay but these guys that freak out and break things…
Have a gentle way with pets and children.
Garden, cook, or really any hobby that isn’t watching sports or video games or drinking. You can do these things but if they’re the only things…
Say “wow I actually didn’t know that!”
Compliment people sincerely.
Not care if they are not the most giant person in the room. Sometimes a woman could be taller/bigger than you and that’s genetics, king! Some of us have viking DNA (me) and some don’t (maybe you?)
Not talk about their ex(es)
Go to therapy.
Speak kindly about the women in their life.
Refrain from talking about their genitals in a crass way (or at all). If we know each other better (have been dating or friends for a while), we can both discuss these semi-private matters openly. BUT no one wants to hear a stranger talk about his itchy balls on a dating app or a first date! This should go without saying but here we are.
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